Blizzard of 2009

Well, it is not necessarily like the blizzards we had in Wyoming, but close. In Delaware we had a major storm dropping 17 inches here in Wilmington. The pictures below are from my balcony about half way through the snowfall. It is beautiful but treacherous. I took off for work in the throes of the blizzard yesterday morning and it took me an hour and 45 minutes to get there when it usually takes me about 40 minutes. At 1:00 DelDOT announced that it would declare a state of emergency effective at 3:00, so my boss let me go ahead and go home. It took 3 hours to get home. The traffic on the highway was about 15-20 mph and about every 20 minutes or so the whole line of traffic stopped and everyone got out and cleared the ice from the windshield wipers.

Merry Christmas to all, and if you have a white Christmas I hope and pray that it is a safe one.

Working it out

After two months of basically sitting on the couch waiting for the phone to ring, I have noticed that suddenly my pants have shrunk - or my rear has spread, whichever you want to believe. Anyway, there is a gym close to where I live, and I joined it and took on a trainer to get myself back into shape. My goal is to strengthen my core for balance and to improve my stamina. A little strength training coupled with some cardio work should help both my shape and my outlook on life. I worked out yesterday. The trainer suggested that the muscles have memory, so I should see results quicker than I suspect, but the results of trying to get out of bed this morning prove that my own memory of certain muscles is missing.

I was doing squats against a wall with a big ball and standing on a rubber half-ball, and the muscles just above my knee-caps are muscles I forgot I had. I was doing a lunge and lift with a medicine ball, and those obliques are also muscles I forgot about. Somehow I remembered my glutes and stomach muscles, but that doesn't make them hurt any less.

I will be going back in today, and I know that hitting the gym again will work some of this soreness out. I just need to be able to stick with it. The trainers at this gym are awesome.

Good news - FINALLY!!!!

I just returned from Dover. CompUSA is opening a new store there on the Friday after Thanksgiving and I will be one of their Sales Associates. It's not ministry, but it is a job and will help tide me over. I am due to be ordained next fall, and after that I will have a better shot at the ministry positions I have been looking at.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers.

On the job front

I am still looking for a job, but some things have looked up. One thing is that the holiday seasonal shopping is about to kick in, so stores are hiring seasonal help. That can get me through the first of the year. A computer store in Dover is opening on the day after Thanksgiving, and my first interview with them went well. I will probably have a second interview early next week. It is a permanent position (not seasonal) and I look at it this way - I can utilize my existing computer skills and have a job to take me through ordination. Once I am ordained, many more doors will open, so we'll just have to see how much patience God is asking me to have.

I Love Fall

I have just discovered how much I love the fall. This picture is a little shaky because it was taken during the dark, but it is a beautiful reminder of God's renewal each morning, even in the face of transition. There is a thicket of trees behind my apartment which gives me a beautiful sunrise each morning, so I decided that I needed to share.



When I lived in Wyoming, a tree was pretty much a big sagebrush, so we didn't get to see the transition of color like happens here in Delaware and all up and down the Atlantic coast. Texas had mostly evergreen trees and what trees that lost their leaves, well the fall happened so fast that if you blinked your eyes you missed it. Kansas was somewhat better, but there was still the long spaces of farmland void of trees.

The following pictures were taken in Maryland where our church had its retreat a couple of weeks ago. The colors there were just spectacular, as you can see from these pictures. I drove to Havre de Grace, Maryland yesterday and about half way there kicked myself for not bringing my camera. God's has a beautiful color scheme for the transition from summer to winter.

Still no news

There is still no news on the job front. I am still waiting to hear from people where I have applied.

On a lighter note, our church retreat is this weekend. It will be a nice weekend away in Maryland. I am looking forward to spending the weekend with a bunch of friends that I am finally getting to know well.

Nice Fall Recipe

I made some wonderful apple butter last week and had a couple of Granny Smith's left over. A friend of mine remarked how she liked "fried" apples, and I decided this afternoon that it sounded wonderful. I took a "secret ingredient" from my apple butter and made this wonderful caramel tasting dish. It is wonderful served over ice cream or just eaten like it is. Here is how I made it. I just used one apple, so I am increasing it to two or three - depending on the size of the apple. It would also be good if you wanted to add 1 tsp of vanilla. I didn't do that, so I am just including what I used.

Fried Caramel Apples

Melt 1/2 stick butter in a saute pan. Add 2-3 Granny Smith apples, cored, peeled and sliced. Add 1 tsp of cinnamon and 1 tblsp lemon or lime juice. Cook for 5-10 minutes over medium heat until apples are crisp tender (time will vary depending on how thick the slices are). Note: Do not cook them until they are completely tender, because they will continue to cook after removed from heat. Add 1/2 c sugar and stir until all is absorbed. Add 1/2 c pomegranate juice (can use orange juice if you prefer). Stir and cook until it begins to thicken. Remove from heat and transfer to serving dish. Warning: This will be VERY hot. Allow to sit at room temperature 5-10 minutes until cool enough. Test by dipping a spoon into the mixture and then gently touching it with your finger. Serve over ice cream with whipped cream or just eat as a sweet side dish.

Angel's Blessing

Today we had a blessing of the animals at our church. Here are some pictures of Angel at the service.

Pastor David "blessing" Angel.



Pastor David geting all excited about creation.

My friend Kitty and her daughter EJ. EJ is very curious of this little doggie that is smaller than most of her stuffed animals.

Kitty and Angel made fast friends.

Monster Mash

This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands:

Monster Mash <--- Click here

No news.... Yet

Waiting is not one of my gifts. Neither is patience. I am finding that I am getting a lot of practice at the first and it is trying the second. I find myself waiting on a call that may or may not ever come, and in the meantime I keep scouring the job boards for new postings. Neither of these "jobs" is fun. It's been told that looking for work is a full time job, and you can believe that. I spend most of the day looking through postings and applying for things. Prayers for patience....

Where can I go?

I went to the beach yesterday. Since I have the type of skin that burns in 15 minutes or less when exposed to the sun, and in an hour or so when slathered with sunscreen, I covered up. It was a bit chilly, so wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt was not particularly unconventional. I also wore a big floppy hat. Several times we rolled up the pant legs and wandered out to wade in the surf. The water was pretty cold, and I wondered how the people could be swimming in the surf.

Just like it always does, even though I was covered up, the sun was able to find my skin. I had a vest on over my t-shirt because I have been burned through shirts before. I sat with my back to the sun to shade any of the rest of me that might be exposed, but the tops of my feet got burned anyway.

It reminds me of Psalm 139, which asks the question "where can I go to hide from you, God?" It assures us that even if we descend to the depths of hell, God is there with us. Just like the sun that can find my skin even when I try to shade it and cover it, God can find us no matter how many lengths we go to to hide, no matter if we have turned our backs, and no matter what we have done. Unlike the sun that burns my skin, though, God is there to provide the salve to soothe whatever hurts us.

Thank you God, for always being there for me.

Off to the beach

Well, It's been a crazy week. I'm still waiting for a job offer. My friend Maranda and I are going to the beach today, so it will really be good to get out for a while.

Give Thanks

I am sitting here, on my last day. It is 7 am and I am waiting on the residents to show up so that I can orient them and then be on my way to what lies ahead for me for the rest of my life.

As I ponder here this morning, I give thanks. I give thanks for this past year that was a year of learning and a year of healing. I learned what it takes to be a better pastor. I have healed from the wounds inflicted on me by loved ones and by a church that turned its back on me when I needed it the most. I give thanks for all my new friends and I give thanks for a new church and a new denomination that has embraced me, even knowing that I was wounded.

I give thanks for my little dog Angel. In the three years since she has come to live with me, she has lived in three different places. I give thanks for her unconditional love and adaptability. All she cares about is that her "Mommy" comes home and is always there for her. There is a reason why dog spelled backwards is God.

I give thanks to my Creator God for all the blessings in my life, even as I look to an uncertain future. Since I was three years old, I have always known that God would take care of me, and God always has in ways that were too wonderful to even imagine. As I look to the uncertain future, I give thanks for God's next assignment, which I know will come in due time. All I ask of God at this time, is the same request as always - that when God tells me what it is my ears are open wide enough to hear and embrace the message.

Thank you, God, for all the blessings past and the blessings yet to come. Amen.

So close - yet so far

Today I got news from a place I was expecting to get a job offer that they want to hire me but I will have to wait another week or two before the position gets approved. Good news yet bad news. Today was my last day at the hospital. I am working the on-call tonight and after I turn things over in the morning to the new residents, my residency will be over. All I do now is hope and pray. I do have a couple of other "feelers" out, but nothing else as solid as this one.

I'm still here

I've noticed that it has been a week since I have posted. Today starts my last week at work, and then I am unemployed (for the time being anyway.) I have one real promising prospect out there, but am concerned about the "gap." We shall see. I am certain that something will pop soon enough.

What a day

I had a chance to do pulpit supply today in Baltimore. It was a small church right next to Camden Yards. Too bad I didn't really get to see the stadium, but I had a great time. It was a small church and the message seemed connect with the congregation. Then there were some ladies that took me out to lunch and fed me way too much, but it was a great time. I got back home about 3:00 and spent the afternoon napping on and off. Lots to do tomorrow - last day of my 4-day weekend.

Another Interview

I had another interview today, and it was very promising. Keep praying folks. I will hopefully know something in a week or two.

A wonderful day

Today I spent the day with Lonna in Havre de Grace, Md. It is always an uplifting experience when I see her, but today was pretty special. She fed me fresh peaches, and then when a pastor called for pulpit supply, she passed it over to me. I will be preaching in Baltimore on the 30th. We talked about job opportunities and we got in touch with some of the powers to be at the association. Things are really looking up. I am getting excited. I got home and got another interview that is set up for the 28th. God is working. I know it. When that right thing happens, I will know it.

Thank you Lonna

Yesterday I was really bummed out. I was on call to the ER for the first part of the day, and that was very busy so it kept me occupied. I put a call out to Lonna, and late in the afternoon she got back to me. I suggested to her that my failure to really land that "right" interview could be that I am looking in all the wrong places. She is working with the church boards that might be able to find me something back in a church. It is an opportunity that I originally shied away from because I was sure that going back into a church was not in my "genes," but it was also something that her and I came up with together about a month ago. Many things have happened, and I think that this may be what will come together.

Dear God, give me the wisdom to know what it is that you have planned for me. Amen.

Roller Coaster Sunday

I've had a bit of a roller coaster couple of days. I stopped at the store to get a sandwich for supper the other night and a guy whistled at me. That hasn't happened in a LOOOOOONG time, so that brought my spirits up.

I preached at my church this morning and my sermon on the various prayers in The Bible and how we might use them as models for our own prayer life and got an amazing response to it. Another thing that brought my spirits up.

My friend got called away just after church so we had to postpone our outing to a local farm to pick blackberries, raspberries and grapes. That was a bit of a bummer. So I came home and took a nap with my Angel who was also feeling somewhat exhausted. I Needed That.

Then I checked email a few minutes ago and the final interview I have out had sent me an email rejection letter. Now I am really bummed out. Things are spinning right now and I am nt sure what is going to happen next. God WILL provide. I am sure of that.

Just another day

Again, it's just another day without much to report. Had a couple of very tough days at the hospital, but other than that, no calls, no interviews no news. I am putting together a sermon for Sunday based on a prayer that Solomon prayed, and I am trying really hard to model my prayer the same way. I only want what God wants for me.

Forgive me this week if I don't post much. I promise to post if I get an offer I can't refuse, but I DO need to get ready for Sunday.

My Angel

A Beautiful Thing

I have been reading the beautiful stories in the book my wonderful mentor Lonna gave to me, and lo and behold last night the story was about the loyalty of friends with more than two feet. I have to say that the one friend that I always can count on is my marvelous roommate Angel. It doesn't make any difference how good or bad my day has been, when she emerges from her crate when I get home she absolutely knows how I feel and she adapts her "welcome" to that. If I'm down and feeling a bit blue, she is the happiest dog you ever saw and lifts my spirits by showing me how happy she is to see me. If I am tired or have had a really tough situation to deal with, she is content to cuddle and lets me know that I can talk to her if I need someone to listen. If I come home in a great and glorious mood, we will play for a time before I need to settle in.

Angel is a huge 3½ pound poodle. She is fully classified as a "tiny toy" or "teacup" because she weighs in at less than 4 pounds. It is quite a site to see her at the vet's office getting on a scale that is big enough to weigh a St. Bernard. For you chefs out there, it is like measuring a ¼ cup of liquid in an 8 cup measuring cup. There have been times when she weighs different based on where she stands on the scale and whether or not I have her collar on. Add a leash and she jumps up past the 4 pound mark, so at her size every ounce makes a big difference.

I got Angel from a breeder just as I got to Kansas 3 years ago. She was 3 months old and just under 2 pounds. As I picked her up and held her up close to my shoulder, she just cuddled into my neck like she was supposed to be and stay there. We still quite often will lay in my easy chair with her cuddling me the same way. She has been a good dog for me and a great friend. She was crate trained at 7 months when she got stepped on by a mailman and broke her leg. The vet couldn't pin her leg because he didn't have a pin small enough and he couldn't cast it because it was above the hock (the"knee" on the hind leg). He told me I had to restrict her movement for 3 weeks, so one of my church friends supplied me with the perfect sized crate for her, and for the next 3 weeks it was either me holding her or she was in her crate.

Her size has also allowed me to "paper train" her, which makes it nice for those times when I have a 24 hour shift. I leave her crate door open in the bathroom with a doggie "training pad" down and close the door to the bathroom. When I get home, she will emerge from her crate and the results of the times she has had to "do her business" is there on the training pad. It is nice not to have to have someone come and walk her so that she can "do her business."

Here are some of her pictures:

Standing on the dash of my car next to a commuter mug.

A close-up of her beautiful face.

Her mommy playing around with some graphics software putting Angel in the middle of a stained glass window.

Angel sitting in my lap. I have a pen hanging from an eyeglass necklace that gives you a good idea of how big she really is.

Update and new stuff

I had an interview in Philly that went well. I was one of three that they called back for a second interview. The down side is that it is only part time (24 hours a week). It would be much better for me to find a single full time job rather than try to piece two part time jobs together, but I must wait and figure out what door God opens for me.

Yesterday was the CPE celebration at the hospital. It was a "graduation" of sorts. My clergy mentor Lonna and my pastor were able to come and celebrate with me, which made for a wonderful day. Lonna gave me a book of daily "devotions" that I started last night. The stories are wonderful and uplifting and so far are a nice end to the day. Thanks Lonna!!!!

High Anxiety

Well, it's just hard waiting for those to call. Found a guardian angel today and some interim help, but I still need a job. The interview in Philly is Wednesday.

A Devotion

Many are called

Read Matthew 22:1-14 and Isaiah 6:1-8

What does it mean to be called? What does it mean to be sent? These are two beautiful, poetic, cryptic and even scary stories told by Jesus and by Old Testament prophecy.

Jesus is telling us that God's invitation goes out to many. Most of us are just too busy with our everyday lives and all the "important stuff" that we have to do to pay attention. Even for those who DO listen and come, some will come with less than righteous intentions or ill prepared for the task set before us, and then be unwilling to go "properly attired."

I love the story of how Isaiah was called - so full of imagery and so poetic. God is sending out an open invitation, asking who will go. Isaiah's response is humble and simple, "Here I am, Lord, send me."

I have often looked at the parable of the wedding banquet as one of social justice. It is a story about how when the powerful and busy get so wrapped up in themselves that they can't respond to even a "higher" authority, that the "higher authority" says fine, I'll just pass my invitation on to someone who will appreciate it. It is a story that I have based a play script on for a youth group and a story that I tell in circles of people who are hurting.

The punch line to the story, however, is problematic if you are just looking for the "social justice" angle to the story. It is saying that even if we respond, we need to come prepared. We need to be cloaked in our finest and show respect for the one who invited us. In other words, we can't "just show up." Because, like happened with Isaiah, when we get to "the party," there may be another invitation, and if God says, "will you go for me," you need to be ready to respond.

The "many are called, but few are chosen" phrase in Matthew 22:14 doesn't mean that we are predestined for what we respond to, only that we are predestined for what we are called to. The response is entirely up to us. God calls every one of us. Like in the parable, God goes to the elect, the powerful, the beautiful, the "worthy," but God doesn't stop there. God also goes out to the seedy side of town, to the mental hospitals, the homeless shelters, anywhere there are people that nobody else wants to see. If we are too busy with our lives to choose the invitation that God sends, then we are not chosen. If we show up but can't or won't show God that we REALLY want to be there, then we are not chosen either. We are chosen when we can honestly and humbly say to God, "I accept your invitation, what do you want me to bring."

Great and glorious God, author of all things good and righteous. We admit to you that we are often too wrapped up in our busy and every day tasks to sit and listen to you calling us. Even when we hear your call, we just can't seem to take the time to listen or respond. Forgive us for this failing in our lives, and give us the strength and courage to heed your invitation, and respond with, "what is it you want me to bring." Nothing that we have to do in this life is more important than what it is YOU want us to do, so give us the strength, courage and direction needed to hear AND heed your call. This we ask in your precious name, Amen.

Update on Interviews

One interview is done, with a rejection note. It was a job that I was up against 16 others and they probably couldn't have given me enough hours, so I really did not get that stabbing rejected feeling. It was just a, "ok, I guess this is not the door that God wanted me to go through."

On the other hand, I have been called back for a second interview with one employer, I had a first contact with another employer and I am still waiting to hear about a callback from another one, so there is still hope out there. In the meantime I continue to look. 5 weeks to go.

A Devotion

Not like TV

Have you ever watched a TV program or movie that includes something in which you are the expert? Do you ever say – it doesn't really happen like that? I have caught myself doing that quite often. Maybe you race cars, or ride horses. Maybe you are a doctor, a lawyer, a judge, a policeman. Maybe you are a teacher, a construction worker. It doesn't matter. Hollywood seems to take artistic license with things for dramatic appeal.

I remember after having my first child, I would watch a childbirth segment on TV or in the movies and sneer – it really doesn't happen like that. Mine was just like they say its supposed to happen in the textbooks – it takes several hours and you are a sweaty, painful and exhausted (yet ecstatic) mess when it is over. There is none of this casually walking through the mall when suddenly you are seized by a contraction that doubles you over only to be rushed to the hospital in the nick of time. I mean, I knew better because my experience was WAY different. It was way different, that is, until I had my second child. She came – well, like it happens in the movies. I was wakened from a dead sleep at 4:30 in the morning by a pain tearing through my abdomen. When, after 30 minutes I called the doctor, went into the hospital and the nurse panicked because the doctor wasn't there yet and she really didn't want to deliver the baby. So – maybe it DOES sometimes happen like on TV.

I have worked the last year in health care, and I have come across a few things that are significantly different than the way that it happens on TV. One of the things I have witnessed more times than I care is medical staff performing CPR on a patient. I can state from experience that most depictions of CPR on the big or small screen are quite different than when they are done when a patient's life hangs in the balance. The outcomes compared to their artistic depictions are almost always different. If the patient is revived they are usually transferred to an ICU and almost always they are breathing with a ventilator. They are kept sedated for a significant period of time to give their bodies time to heal and recover from whatever caused the cardiac arrest and the after effects of the brutal and violent resuscitation attempt. I say all that, and just when I get all sure that its one way, well, I get thrown a loop again. I have witnessed one patient who "woke up" about the time that they were getting ready to perform CPR. They had discovered no pulse or blood pressure, so the nurse called the code and 4 of them quickly transferred the patient from the chair to the bed. About the time that they got the bed positioned to do CPR, the patient just "woke up." Then they canceled the code. Nobody knows why she quit breathing and her heart stopped.

Jesus said, "Why do you look at the sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3, NIV) I think that it merits knowing whether or not we are looking at our belief in things through the eyes of an "expert" or simply the eyes of our own experience. Are we looking through the sawdust, or do we need to be paying attention to the plank?

Another Interview

I had a phone interview. It might yield a face to face interview next week or so. I don't know how any of this will turn out, but I am trusting God to help me out with this. To all my dear friends who follow, just pray. I am dealing with some anxiety and looking at 6 weeks to unemployment. I am really hoping one of these pans out real soon.

A Devotion

Hide and Go Seek

Read: Matthew 7:7-12 from King James Version and then from The Message.

A common exchange from my childhood:

Me: Mom, I can't find -fill in the blank-.

Mom: Seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find.

My parents utilized a lot of sayings when I was growing up. They ranged anywhere from cute colloquialisms to Bible passages to things that they just made up (or at least I was convinced somehow that they made them up). Actually, this was one that I was sure she had made up until after I was an adult and the pastor preached a sermon on a passage that included these verses from Matthew. When the lectioner got up to read the scripture and got to the "seek and you will find" part, I nearly fell off the pew. All this time I thought it was just a smart Alick comeback from my mother and she was actually quoting scripture to me!!!

Yyesterday when one of my new co-workers was ending a particularly stressful week and ready to leave for her weekend off, my advice to her was to go home, pour a nice hot bath with plenty of bubbles, turn off the lights and light a few candles and just relax - try as hard to forget this place and get ready for a weekend of rest and relaxation. This morning I was fretting over writing my first devotion, even wondering how I would title it, because if I used the date then it would already be out of date when you friends in Australia read it (I know, silly thing to fret over, but I did.) So what did I do? I re-read this scripture in Matthew comfortable that it would hold something dear for my friends. I went in and poured myself a hot bath with scented oil and a few bubbles, said a prayer, and then set myself in the warmth and aroma. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and just let God speak to me, but all I could hear was my mother saying, "seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find."

Now I am convinced that God was telling me that. It is time to take some of my own advice and the advice of other dear friends who have been with me during a very stressful time in my life. It is time to make a decision and move forward - but it is scary. Once I make that decision, then I have to do something!!!! How do I get off dead center and get there? I take my own advice again. When my son was trying to make a decision about whether or not to accept a letter of intent to play college baseball, he came to me the night before the offer expired. We made a list of the pluses and minuses of this particular school and baseball program. No help. The list balanced perfectly when he added importance ratings to each item. I told him that there was only one thing he could do then. He should pray - but equally important, he should listen. Since he was asking God, and trusting God to guide him, he should trust that the answer that came to him was the answer that God wanted him to hear.

Most of you know that I am now at a crossroads again. My residency is almost over and I am at a point where I am waiting on God to lead me to my next place of ministry. I have several options: a chaplain that helps spiritually guide people through medical difficulties in a hospital, or one who helps people pass from this life into the hands of God in a hospice setting, or one who sees the active work of God's people in a missionary setting. It has been a struggle of decernment for the past 6 years since I entered seminary, and now, one year after my last major crossroad here I am again, so what should I do? Take my own advice, of course. I shoudl pray. But equally important, I should listen.

I had you read two different versions of the scripture today because the KJV was the quote my mother used and fit well with my story here. I simply love, however, the no-nonsense way that The Message can often cite a scripture passage, and this one was no different. The way that Eugene Peterson interpreted the Golden Rule (do unto others ...) is destined to become a classic: "Ask yourself what you want others to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. (vs. 12)," but verse 7 where he says, "just ask, this isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in," spoke to me as loud as my mothers KJV. God isn't hiding the path from me. All I have to do is ask, listen, look for the open door and then pass through it.

Most dear and Holy God, grant that all of us can understand your desire to be with us and guide us through both our every day and mundane issues as well as our greatest of challenges. Give each one of us the ability to ask, seek and knock, but also give each of us the ability to listen to your answers, recognize what we have found, and pass through that open door . We ask this all in your Holy name. Amen.

Interview again

The interview with the hospice went well. It was just with HR, so I have to check to see if they will call me back for another interview.

I am officially on vacation now, so I will have to get some things done. I got my hair cut and colored yesterday, and I love what she did. I have to go get my eyes tested today, because I am tired of not being able to see. We'll have to see how that goes. Either bifocals or multi-focal contacts will be required. I just want to see again and I'm tired of dealing with readers.

Morning Coffee

I am having an interesting time with my caffine withdrawal. Now that the worst is past, I am finally doing the "right thing" by starting off my day with a "half-caff" cup of coffee and going decaffinated after that. I think that it is working well. I have also cut down my soft drinks. I am down to a decafinated soda with lunch and maybe one more in the afternoon. In the evenings I will either do de-caff coffee or tea. My coffee maker is a wonderful 1-cup pod brewer that makes a perfect cup of coffee.

I talked with my friend Mindy this morning, and she is excited that I am interviewing where she works. We have agreed to meet for lunch after my interview. I will update later in the day when I get done with the stuff.

Interview

I had my first interview today. It went well. I am one of the top (out of 18) candidates, so we can keep our fingers crossed. I think that the salary is "doable," but it won't be much better than what I am earning now. I would really like to get out over the "hump" so that I am not squeezing pennies between paychecks. We'll just have to see where the next interview goes.

Countdown to vacation

Wow, its getting close now. Counting down. Friday starts a 4-day weekend, and I am taking next week (until Saturday) off. I did my calendar for August and because of having to cover for others it's really crazy. I'll need the week's vacation just to get ready for it. Gonna have to stay on my toes, because otherwise I'll be showing up on days off and missing coverage!!

My first interview is tomorrow, so prayers are welcome.

Sunday

What a lovely day, even though I worked. It was busy, but not too stressful. I preached a sermon that is reminiscent of one I heard in seminary on the story of David dancing in the streets and making a fool out of himself, but all for the Glory of God. So the question became – how can anything done for the glory of God be wrong? (Well, I'm sure that there are some who will think of something) The point was that we should worship God in the form and fashion that makes us comfortable, not the form and fashion that is dictated to us. Is it any wonder why so many people are "spiritual" but not "religious" when mainstream religion tells them how they have to feel and act? A personal relationship with God is just that: Personal. It is my contention that if you need the beat of drums and to wave your hands in the air to feel the presence of God, so be it. If you need a quiet place with candles and a cross, so be it. I can worship in either, depending on my frame of mind at the moment. All that matters in worship is that we connect with God.

Miracles Happen

You are the God that performs Miracles; you display your power among the peoples. Psalm 77:14

Miracles happen. I know this, because I have witnessed it. I suppose that working in a hospital would give you a greater chance of witnessing something that defies all medical logic because even though the doctors are God's instruments of healing, they are also human. Humans make mistakes and can be wrong. I have seen, however, two cases of life support withdrawn where two days later there is a miraculous turn-around that absolutely stuns the medical teams. Based upon the tests that were run and the images of the brain, the heart or the lungs, the damage or disease was severe enough to be thought unable to sustain life, yet the patients wake up, become alert and able to interact with their surroundings.

Perhaps my biggest issue, however, is, "what do I do with this?" I know that I need to praise God with thanksgiving for a family's chance to spend more time with this particular patient. I need to praise God in the off chance that had their salvation not been secure, there is now time for that to happen. I need to praise God for all of the little and big blessings and surprises that are given to us. I need to thank God for reminding us that we are human with human failings and that only God is God.

Perhaps that last comment is the most important one. It seems like the perfect time for a miracle is at the time when we think that we have all the answers. The times when we declare that we have seen this a hundred or a thousand times before with similar symptoms and always the same outcome, that one in a hundred or thousand chance kicks in. I am still convinced that even the most routine medical procedures that correct something that would have likely killed the person back in the days of Jesus – the vaccines against debilitating childhood diseases, the antibiotics that cure the pneumonias and the antivirals that reverse the effects of the flu, the appendectomy – these can legitimately be classified as miracles.

Working with dying patients, however, is different. For someone who has run their course of treatments and have had no change or only gotten worse to the end that the medical team suggests that curative medicine is no longer appropriate and shifts their focus to keeping the patient comfortable to turn around and begin interacting with their environment are the stories that lead to devotions like this. The only possible explanation for the person's recovery is that it was the will of God. Medical science will not (because they cannot) take credit for it. After all, it was their recommendation to focus on comfort rather than push to work for a complete or partial recovery.

In case anyone is wondering, it is my witness that God DOES still perform miracles of the same magnitude as the healings that Jesus did over 2000 years ago. It is also my witness that for everyone who hopes and prays for a miracle, the largest majority of those will be disappointed. I can't begin to understand why. I only know that it is the will of God to be so.

Joys and laments

I have some good news. I have two interviews set up. One is for a homeless shelter in Wilmington and the other is with a Hospice that serves Kent County. Although the Kent County job would not be "local," it is close enough for me to commute without having to move (and that is a BIG plus. I am tired of moving!!)

On Wednesday, we were doing "creative" laments, based upon a Psalm. I drew a picture of a gate with a bright light behind it, symbolizing how I have been escorting people to the "pearly gates," but have to leave them there. It also symbolizes my job search and the end of my residency, knowing that God has opened up a door but I can't quite see past it yet. We had to write a poem, and I'll share that poem with you here:

O Holy God, How long must I wait?
My anxious soul needs comforting.
Comfort my soul, Oh God.
This consuming anxiety envelops me
with debilitating anger.
Release my anger, oh God.
For I know that you are powerful
beyond comprehension.
Bring me to a peaceful place
where I can hear the songbirds singing again.
Amen.

God is always there

I know that God is always there, because God has never let me down. I have perservered, and now I have an interview with a hospice that will not require that I move. The interview is Friday, the 17th, so please pray for me all my friends. Do NOT pray that I get the job. Pray that if this is the door that God is opening, that God's will WILL be done.

God will be with me now and forever.

Just another day

Oh my, what a day. This morning I presented my final evaluation. It's hard, but the last of the seminars in this unit is Thursday. We have nothing but clinical time after that. Then we did all the schedules for August and the first part of September.

I'm just so tired. There was another death today - a withdrawal of life support. I was there as her granddaughter was holding her hand and crying as she drew her last breath. It was a tender moment. She was a faithful Christian, so the hope for eternal life was there. The nurse was incredible. In all, I was blessed and honored to share in her journey.

One "bite" during my job search, but unless they can make it full time, I might have to pass. I just can't afford to only work part time. It's starting to get a little scary, so prayers are welcome.

More musings

OK, some of you have asked about my grandbaby. Harper Joy just flew by her 9th month and is the world's greatest blessing for her mom and dad (to say nothing of her grandma!) She is now able to stand if she's holding onto something, so I know it won't be long before she is running in a triathalon with her mom or dad. :-)


Here is a picture that was taken back at Thanksgiving. I'm not sure when I will see her again - I have to get my job situation squared away first. I hope that I can see her again soon!!! The summer is getting away from me.






This is a picture of her in her Easter dress.

And just so there is no question about who runs my house and so she won't feel slighted in any way, here is a picture of my Angel.

Hello all,

A great day!! I spent last night at the hospital on-call, so it was a 24 hour shift. Although the pager was nice to me, the bed sure wasn't and I hardly slept. I got up, responded to an emergency and then left to go to church. Normally I would have just gone home to sleep for a while in my easy chair or my own bed, there was a meeting after church that I was required to attend. It turned out to be a real blessing for me. Since this is first Sunday of the month, of course there was communion, but there was also a scripture and message that spoke to me.

After the service, the commitee that is supporting my quest for ordination met. This was the initial meeting and all of them are just great to work with and very supportive of my goals and understand my fears.

Now for the biggest challenge. Labor day is looming in the not too distant future, and I need a job. I have resumes out, and have an alternative that the committee on Church and Ministry is considering. Please, all my family and friends, pray that God opens that door, and soon!!! I know, I need to pray for patience, so please God, give me patience and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!!

God's grace and peace to all.

God helps those....

As I ponder where I am to serve in ministry, I am once again facing an end to what I am doing now and wondering where God will lead me next. At times like these, I try to "help myself," by listening to God and searching for the open door. There are times when I just wish that God would lay things out for me so that it would reduce my anxiety, but God just does not seem to want to work that way. It is my lesson in patience, and I trust that God will not let me down, just like I have not been let down by God in the past.

My options are searching for jobs with hospice in this area or taking a church as an intirim minister while they complete their search and call process. The latter is in the hands of the Church and Ministry Committee, so it might not be a viable option.

I just pray every day for God to give me the strength to carry on.

To God be the glory, great things God has done!!!