Where can I go?

I went to the beach yesterday. Since I have the type of skin that burns in 15 minutes or less when exposed to the sun, and in an hour or so when slathered with sunscreen, I covered up. It was a bit chilly, so wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt was not particularly unconventional. I also wore a big floppy hat. Several times we rolled up the pant legs and wandered out to wade in the surf. The water was pretty cold, and I wondered how the people could be swimming in the surf.

Just like it always does, even though I was covered up, the sun was able to find my skin. I had a vest on over my t-shirt because I have been burned through shirts before. I sat with my back to the sun to shade any of the rest of me that might be exposed, but the tops of my feet got burned anyway.

It reminds me of Psalm 139, which asks the question "where can I go to hide from you, God?" It assures us that even if we descend to the depths of hell, God is there with us. Just like the sun that can find my skin even when I try to shade it and cover it, God can find us no matter how many lengths we go to to hide, no matter if we have turned our backs, and no matter what we have done. Unlike the sun that burns my skin, though, God is there to provide the salve to soothe whatever hurts us.

Thank you God, for always being there for me.

A Devotion

Many are called

Read Matthew 22:1-14 and Isaiah 6:1-8

What does it mean to be called? What does it mean to be sent? These are two beautiful, poetic, cryptic and even scary stories told by Jesus and by Old Testament prophecy.

Jesus is telling us that God's invitation goes out to many. Most of us are just too busy with our everyday lives and all the "important stuff" that we have to do to pay attention. Even for those who DO listen and come, some will come with less than righteous intentions or ill prepared for the task set before us, and then be unwilling to go "properly attired."

I love the story of how Isaiah was called - so full of imagery and so poetic. God is sending out an open invitation, asking who will go. Isaiah's response is humble and simple, "Here I am, Lord, send me."

I have often looked at the parable of the wedding banquet as one of social justice. It is a story about how when the powerful and busy get so wrapped up in themselves that they can't respond to even a "higher" authority, that the "higher authority" says fine, I'll just pass my invitation on to someone who will appreciate it. It is a story that I have based a play script on for a youth group and a story that I tell in circles of people who are hurting.

The punch line to the story, however, is problematic if you are just looking for the "social justice" angle to the story. It is saying that even if we respond, we need to come prepared. We need to be cloaked in our finest and show respect for the one who invited us. In other words, we can't "just show up." Because, like happened with Isaiah, when we get to "the party," there may be another invitation, and if God says, "will you go for me," you need to be ready to respond.

The "many are called, but few are chosen" phrase in Matthew 22:14 doesn't mean that we are predestined for what we respond to, only that we are predestined for what we are called to. The response is entirely up to us. God calls every one of us. Like in the parable, God goes to the elect, the powerful, the beautiful, the "worthy," but God doesn't stop there. God also goes out to the seedy side of town, to the mental hospitals, the homeless shelters, anywhere there are people that nobody else wants to see. If we are too busy with our lives to choose the invitation that God sends, then we are not chosen. If we show up but can't or won't show God that we REALLY want to be there, then we are not chosen either. We are chosen when we can honestly and humbly say to God, "I accept your invitation, what do you want me to bring."

Great and glorious God, author of all things good and righteous. We admit to you that we are often too wrapped up in our busy and every day tasks to sit and listen to you calling us. Even when we hear your call, we just can't seem to take the time to listen or respond. Forgive us for this failing in our lives, and give us the strength and courage to heed your invitation, and respond with, "what is it you want me to bring." Nothing that we have to do in this life is more important than what it is YOU want us to do, so give us the strength, courage and direction needed to hear AND heed your call. This we ask in your precious name, Amen.

A Devotion

Not like TV

Have you ever watched a TV program or movie that includes something in which you are the expert? Do you ever say – it doesn't really happen like that? I have caught myself doing that quite often. Maybe you race cars, or ride horses. Maybe you are a doctor, a lawyer, a judge, a policeman. Maybe you are a teacher, a construction worker. It doesn't matter. Hollywood seems to take artistic license with things for dramatic appeal.

I remember after having my first child, I would watch a childbirth segment on TV or in the movies and sneer – it really doesn't happen like that. Mine was just like they say its supposed to happen in the textbooks – it takes several hours and you are a sweaty, painful and exhausted (yet ecstatic) mess when it is over. There is none of this casually walking through the mall when suddenly you are seized by a contraction that doubles you over only to be rushed to the hospital in the nick of time. I mean, I knew better because my experience was WAY different. It was way different, that is, until I had my second child. She came – well, like it happens in the movies. I was wakened from a dead sleep at 4:30 in the morning by a pain tearing through my abdomen. When, after 30 minutes I called the doctor, went into the hospital and the nurse panicked because the doctor wasn't there yet and she really didn't want to deliver the baby. So – maybe it DOES sometimes happen like on TV.

I have worked the last year in health care, and I have come across a few things that are significantly different than the way that it happens on TV. One of the things I have witnessed more times than I care is medical staff performing CPR on a patient. I can state from experience that most depictions of CPR on the big or small screen are quite different than when they are done when a patient's life hangs in the balance. The outcomes compared to their artistic depictions are almost always different. If the patient is revived they are usually transferred to an ICU and almost always they are breathing with a ventilator. They are kept sedated for a significant period of time to give their bodies time to heal and recover from whatever caused the cardiac arrest and the after effects of the brutal and violent resuscitation attempt. I say all that, and just when I get all sure that its one way, well, I get thrown a loop again. I have witnessed one patient who "woke up" about the time that they were getting ready to perform CPR. They had discovered no pulse or blood pressure, so the nurse called the code and 4 of them quickly transferred the patient from the chair to the bed. About the time that they got the bed positioned to do CPR, the patient just "woke up." Then they canceled the code. Nobody knows why she quit breathing and her heart stopped.

Jesus said, "Why do you look at the sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3, NIV) I think that it merits knowing whether or not we are looking at our belief in things through the eyes of an "expert" or simply the eyes of our own experience. Are we looking through the sawdust, or do we need to be paying attention to the plank?

A Devotion

Hide and Go Seek

Read: Matthew 7:7-12 from King James Version and then from The Message.

A common exchange from my childhood:

Me: Mom, I can't find -fill in the blank-.

Mom: Seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find.

My parents utilized a lot of sayings when I was growing up. They ranged anywhere from cute colloquialisms to Bible passages to things that they just made up (or at least I was convinced somehow that they made them up). Actually, this was one that I was sure she had made up until after I was an adult and the pastor preached a sermon on a passage that included these verses from Matthew. When the lectioner got up to read the scripture and got to the "seek and you will find" part, I nearly fell off the pew. All this time I thought it was just a smart Alick comeback from my mother and she was actually quoting scripture to me!!!

Yyesterday when one of my new co-workers was ending a particularly stressful week and ready to leave for her weekend off, my advice to her was to go home, pour a nice hot bath with plenty of bubbles, turn off the lights and light a few candles and just relax - try as hard to forget this place and get ready for a weekend of rest and relaxation. This morning I was fretting over writing my first devotion, even wondering how I would title it, because if I used the date then it would already be out of date when you friends in Australia read it (I know, silly thing to fret over, but I did.) So what did I do? I re-read this scripture in Matthew comfortable that it would hold something dear for my friends. I went in and poured myself a hot bath with scented oil and a few bubbles, said a prayer, and then set myself in the warmth and aroma. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and just let God speak to me, but all I could hear was my mother saying, "seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find."

Now I am convinced that God was telling me that. It is time to take some of my own advice and the advice of other dear friends who have been with me during a very stressful time in my life. It is time to make a decision and move forward - but it is scary. Once I make that decision, then I have to do something!!!! How do I get off dead center and get there? I take my own advice again. When my son was trying to make a decision about whether or not to accept a letter of intent to play college baseball, he came to me the night before the offer expired. We made a list of the pluses and minuses of this particular school and baseball program. No help. The list balanced perfectly when he added importance ratings to each item. I told him that there was only one thing he could do then. He should pray - but equally important, he should listen. Since he was asking God, and trusting God to guide him, he should trust that the answer that came to him was the answer that God wanted him to hear.

Most of you know that I am now at a crossroads again. My residency is almost over and I am at a point where I am waiting on God to lead me to my next place of ministry. I have several options: a chaplain that helps spiritually guide people through medical difficulties in a hospital, or one who helps people pass from this life into the hands of God in a hospice setting, or one who sees the active work of God's people in a missionary setting. It has been a struggle of decernment for the past 6 years since I entered seminary, and now, one year after my last major crossroad here I am again, so what should I do? Take my own advice, of course. I shoudl pray. But equally important, I should listen.

I had you read two different versions of the scripture today because the KJV was the quote my mother used and fit well with my story here. I simply love, however, the no-nonsense way that The Message can often cite a scripture passage, and this one was no different. The way that Eugene Peterson interpreted the Golden Rule (do unto others ...) is destined to become a classic: "Ask yourself what you want others to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. (vs. 12)," but verse 7 where he says, "just ask, this isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in," spoke to me as loud as my mothers KJV. God isn't hiding the path from me. All I have to do is ask, listen, look for the open door and then pass through it.

Most dear and Holy God, grant that all of us can understand your desire to be with us and guide us through both our every day and mundane issues as well as our greatest of challenges. Give each one of us the ability to ask, seek and knock, but also give each of us the ability to listen to your answers, recognize what we have found, and pass through that open door . We ask this all in your Holy name. Amen.

Miracles Happen

You are the God that performs Miracles; you display your power among the peoples. Psalm 77:14

Miracles happen. I know this, because I have witnessed it. I suppose that working in a hospital would give you a greater chance of witnessing something that defies all medical logic because even though the doctors are God's instruments of healing, they are also human. Humans make mistakes and can be wrong. I have seen, however, two cases of life support withdrawn where two days later there is a miraculous turn-around that absolutely stuns the medical teams. Based upon the tests that were run and the images of the brain, the heart or the lungs, the damage or disease was severe enough to be thought unable to sustain life, yet the patients wake up, become alert and able to interact with their surroundings.

Perhaps my biggest issue, however, is, "what do I do with this?" I know that I need to praise God with thanksgiving for a family's chance to spend more time with this particular patient. I need to praise God in the off chance that had their salvation not been secure, there is now time for that to happen. I need to praise God for all of the little and big blessings and surprises that are given to us. I need to thank God for reminding us that we are human with human failings and that only God is God.

Perhaps that last comment is the most important one. It seems like the perfect time for a miracle is at the time when we think that we have all the answers. The times when we declare that we have seen this a hundred or a thousand times before with similar symptoms and always the same outcome, that one in a hundred or thousand chance kicks in. I am still convinced that even the most routine medical procedures that correct something that would have likely killed the person back in the days of Jesus – the vaccines against debilitating childhood diseases, the antibiotics that cure the pneumonias and the antivirals that reverse the effects of the flu, the appendectomy – these can legitimately be classified as miracles.

Working with dying patients, however, is different. For someone who has run their course of treatments and have had no change or only gotten worse to the end that the medical team suggests that curative medicine is no longer appropriate and shifts their focus to keeping the patient comfortable to turn around and begin interacting with their environment are the stories that lead to devotions like this. The only possible explanation for the person's recovery is that it was the will of God. Medical science will not (because they cannot) take credit for it. After all, it was their recommendation to focus on comfort rather than push to work for a complete or partial recovery.

In case anyone is wondering, it is my witness that God DOES still perform miracles of the same magnitude as the healings that Jesus did over 2000 years ago. It is also my witness that for everyone who hopes and prays for a miracle, the largest majority of those will be disappointed. I can't begin to understand why. I only know that it is the will of God to be so.