Update on Interviews

One interview is done, with a rejection note. It was a job that I was up against 16 others and they probably couldn't have given me enough hours, so I really did not get that stabbing rejected feeling. It was just a, "ok, I guess this is not the door that God wanted me to go through."

On the other hand, I have been called back for a second interview with one employer, I had a first contact with another employer and I am still waiting to hear about a callback from another one, so there is still hope out there. In the meantime I continue to look. 5 weeks to go.

A Devotion

Not like TV

Have you ever watched a TV program or movie that includes something in which you are the expert? Do you ever say – it doesn't really happen like that? I have caught myself doing that quite often. Maybe you race cars, or ride horses. Maybe you are a doctor, a lawyer, a judge, a policeman. Maybe you are a teacher, a construction worker. It doesn't matter. Hollywood seems to take artistic license with things for dramatic appeal.

I remember after having my first child, I would watch a childbirth segment on TV or in the movies and sneer – it really doesn't happen like that. Mine was just like they say its supposed to happen in the textbooks – it takes several hours and you are a sweaty, painful and exhausted (yet ecstatic) mess when it is over. There is none of this casually walking through the mall when suddenly you are seized by a contraction that doubles you over only to be rushed to the hospital in the nick of time. I mean, I knew better because my experience was WAY different. It was way different, that is, until I had my second child. She came – well, like it happens in the movies. I was wakened from a dead sleep at 4:30 in the morning by a pain tearing through my abdomen. When, after 30 minutes I called the doctor, went into the hospital and the nurse panicked because the doctor wasn't there yet and she really didn't want to deliver the baby. So – maybe it DOES sometimes happen like on TV.

I have worked the last year in health care, and I have come across a few things that are significantly different than the way that it happens on TV. One of the things I have witnessed more times than I care is medical staff performing CPR on a patient. I can state from experience that most depictions of CPR on the big or small screen are quite different than when they are done when a patient's life hangs in the balance. The outcomes compared to their artistic depictions are almost always different. If the patient is revived they are usually transferred to an ICU and almost always they are breathing with a ventilator. They are kept sedated for a significant period of time to give their bodies time to heal and recover from whatever caused the cardiac arrest and the after effects of the brutal and violent resuscitation attempt. I say all that, and just when I get all sure that its one way, well, I get thrown a loop again. I have witnessed one patient who "woke up" about the time that they were getting ready to perform CPR. They had discovered no pulse or blood pressure, so the nurse called the code and 4 of them quickly transferred the patient from the chair to the bed. About the time that they got the bed positioned to do CPR, the patient just "woke up." Then they canceled the code. Nobody knows why she quit breathing and her heart stopped.

Jesus said, "Why do you look at the sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3, NIV) I think that it merits knowing whether or not we are looking at our belief in things through the eyes of an "expert" or simply the eyes of our own experience. Are we looking through the sawdust, or do we need to be paying attention to the plank?

Another Interview

I had a phone interview. It might yield a face to face interview next week or so. I don't know how any of this will turn out, but I am trusting God to help me out with this. To all my dear friends who follow, just pray. I am dealing with some anxiety and looking at 6 weeks to unemployment. I am really hoping one of these pans out real soon.

A Devotion

Hide and Go Seek

Read: Matthew 7:7-12 from King James Version and then from The Message.

A common exchange from my childhood:

Me: Mom, I can't find -fill in the blank-.

Mom: Seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find.

My parents utilized a lot of sayings when I was growing up. They ranged anywhere from cute colloquialisms to Bible passages to things that they just made up (or at least I was convinced somehow that they made them up). Actually, this was one that I was sure she had made up until after I was an adult and the pastor preached a sermon on a passage that included these verses from Matthew. When the lectioner got up to read the scripture and got to the "seek and you will find" part, I nearly fell off the pew. All this time I thought it was just a smart Alick comeback from my mother and she was actually quoting scripture to me!!!

Yyesterday when one of my new co-workers was ending a particularly stressful week and ready to leave for her weekend off, my advice to her was to go home, pour a nice hot bath with plenty of bubbles, turn off the lights and light a few candles and just relax - try as hard to forget this place and get ready for a weekend of rest and relaxation. This morning I was fretting over writing my first devotion, even wondering how I would title it, because if I used the date then it would already be out of date when you friends in Australia read it (I know, silly thing to fret over, but I did.) So what did I do? I re-read this scripture in Matthew comfortable that it would hold something dear for my friends. I went in and poured myself a hot bath with scented oil and a few bubbles, said a prayer, and then set myself in the warmth and aroma. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and just let God speak to me, but all I could hear was my mother saying, "seek and ye shall find, dear. Seek and ye shall find."

Now I am convinced that God was telling me that. It is time to take some of my own advice and the advice of other dear friends who have been with me during a very stressful time in my life. It is time to make a decision and move forward - but it is scary. Once I make that decision, then I have to do something!!!! How do I get off dead center and get there? I take my own advice again. When my son was trying to make a decision about whether or not to accept a letter of intent to play college baseball, he came to me the night before the offer expired. We made a list of the pluses and minuses of this particular school and baseball program. No help. The list balanced perfectly when he added importance ratings to each item. I told him that there was only one thing he could do then. He should pray - but equally important, he should listen. Since he was asking God, and trusting God to guide him, he should trust that the answer that came to him was the answer that God wanted him to hear.

Most of you know that I am now at a crossroads again. My residency is almost over and I am at a point where I am waiting on God to lead me to my next place of ministry. I have several options: a chaplain that helps spiritually guide people through medical difficulties in a hospital, or one who helps people pass from this life into the hands of God in a hospice setting, or one who sees the active work of God's people in a missionary setting. It has been a struggle of decernment for the past 6 years since I entered seminary, and now, one year after my last major crossroad here I am again, so what should I do? Take my own advice, of course. I shoudl pray. But equally important, I should listen.

I had you read two different versions of the scripture today because the KJV was the quote my mother used and fit well with my story here. I simply love, however, the no-nonsense way that The Message can often cite a scripture passage, and this one was no different. The way that Eugene Peterson interpreted the Golden Rule (do unto others ...) is destined to become a classic: "Ask yourself what you want others to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. (vs. 12)," but verse 7 where he says, "just ask, this isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in," spoke to me as loud as my mothers KJV. God isn't hiding the path from me. All I have to do is ask, listen, look for the open door and then pass through it.

Most dear and Holy God, grant that all of us can understand your desire to be with us and guide us through both our every day and mundane issues as well as our greatest of challenges. Give each one of us the ability to ask, seek and knock, but also give each of us the ability to listen to your answers, recognize what we have found, and pass through that open door . We ask this all in your Holy name. Amen.

Interview again

The interview with the hospice went well. It was just with HR, so I have to check to see if they will call me back for another interview.

I am officially on vacation now, so I will have to get some things done. I got my hair cut and colored yesterday, and I love what she did. I have to go get my eyes tested today, because I am tired of not being able to see. We'll have to see how that goes. Either bifocals or multi-focal contacts will be required. I just want to see again and I'm tired of dealing with readers.

Morning Coffee

I am having an interesting time with my caffine withdrawal. Now that the worst is past, I am finally doing the "right thing" by starting off my day with a "half-caff" cup of coffee and going decaffinated after that. I think that it is working well. I have also cut down my soft drinks. I am down to a decafinated soda with lunch and maybe one more in the afternoon. In the evenings I will either do de-caff coffee or tea. My coffee maker is a wonderful 1-cup pod brewer that makes a perfect cup of coffee.

I talked with my friend Mindy this morning, and she is excited that I am interviewing where she works. We have agreed to meet for lunch after my interview. I will update later in the day when I get done with the stuff.

Interview

I had my first interview today. It went well. I am one of the top (out of 18) candidates, so we can keep our fingers crossed. I think that the salary is "doable," but it won't be much better than what I am earning now. I would really like to get out over the "hump" so that I am not squeezing pennies between paychecks. We'll just have to see where the next interview goes.

Countdown to vacation

Wow, its getting close now. Counting down. Friday starts a 4-day weekend, and I am taking next week (until Saturday) off. I did my calendar for August and because of having to cover for others it's really crazy. I'll need the week's vacation just to get ready for it. Gonna have to stay on my toes, because otherwise I'll be showing up on days off and missing coverage!!

My first interview is tomorrow, so prayers are welcome.

Sunday

What a lovely day, even though I worked. It was busy, but not too stressful. I preached a sermon that is reminiscent of one I heard in seminary on the story of David dancing in the streets and making a fool out of himself, but all for the Glory of God. So the question became – how can anything done for the glory of God be wrong? (Well, I'm sure that there are some who will think of something) The point was that we should worship God in the form and fashion that makes us comfortable, not the form and fashion that is dictated to us. Is it any wonder why so many people are "spiritual" but not "religious" when mainstream religion tells them how they have to feel and act? A personal relationship with God is just that: Personal. It is my contention that if you need the beat of drums and to wave your hands in the air to feel the presence of God, so be it. If you need a quiet place with candles and a cross, so be it. I can worship in either, depending on my frame of mind at the moment. All that matters in worship is that we connect with God.

Miracles Happen

You are the God that performs Miracles; you display your power among the peoples. Psalm 77:14

Miracles happen. I know this, because I have witnessed it. I suppose that working in a hospital would give you a greater chance of witnessing something that defies all medical logic because even though the doctors are God's instruments of healing, they are also human. Humans make mistakes and can be wrong. I have seen, however, two cases of life support withdrawn where two days later there is a miraculous turn-around that absolutely stuns the medical teams. Based upon the tests that were run and the images of the brain, the heart or the lungs, the damage or disease was severe enough to be thought unable to sustain life, yet the patients wake up, become alert and able to interact with their surroundings.

Perhaps my biggest issue, however, is, "what do I do with this?" I know that I need to praise God with thanksgiving for a family's chance to spend more time with this particular patient. I need to praise God in the off chance that had their salvation not been secure, there is now time for that to happen. I need to praise God for all of the little and big blessings and surprises that are given to us. I need to thank God for reminding us that we are human with human failings and that only God is God.

Perhaps that last comment is the most important one. It seems like the perfect time for a miracle is at the time when we think that we have all the answers. The times when we declare that we have seen this a hundred or a thousand times before with similar symptoms and always the same outcome, that one in a hundred or thousand chance kicks in. I am still convinced that even the most routine medical procedures that correct something that would have likely killed the person back in the days of Jesus – the vaccines against debilitating childhood diseases, the antibiotics that cure the pneumonias and the antivirals that reverse the effects of the flu, the appendectomy – these can legitimately be classified as miracles.

Working with dying patients, however, is different. For someone who has run their course of treatments and have had no change or only gotten worse to the end that the medical team suggests that curative medicine is no longer appropriate and shifts their focus to keeping the patient comfortable to turn around and begin interacting with their environment are the stories that lead to devotions like this. The only possible explanation for the person's recovery is that it was the will of God. Medical science will not (because they cannot) take credit for it. After all, it was their recommendation to focus on comfort rather than push to work for a complete or partial recovery.

In case anyone is wondering, it is my witness that God DOES still perform miracles of the same magnitude as the healings that Jesus did over 2000 years ago. It is also my witness that for everyone who hopes and prays for a miracle, the largest majority of those will be disappointed. I can't begin to understand why. I only know that it is the will of God to be so.

Joys and laments

I have some good news. I have two interviews set up. One is for a homeless shelter in Wilmington and the other is with a Hospice that serves Kent County. Although the Kent County job would not be "local," it is close enough for me to commute without having to move (and that is a BIG plus. I am tired of moving!!)

On Wednesday, we were doing "creative" laments, based upon a Psalm. I drew a picture of a gate with a bright light behind it, symbolizing how I have been escorting people to the "pearly gates," but have to leave them there. It also symbolizes my job search and the end of my residency, knowing that God has opened up a door but I can't quite see past it yet. We had to write a poem, and I'll share that poem with you here:

O Holy God, How long must I wait?
My anxious soul needs comforting.
Comfort my soul, Oh God.
This consuming anxiety envelops me
with debilitating anger.
Release my anger, oh God.
For I know that you are powerful
beyond comprehension.
Bring me to a peaceful place
where I can hear the songbirds singing again.
Amen.

God is always there

I know that God is always there, because God has never let me down. I have perservered, and now I have an interview with a hospice that will not require that I move. The interview is Friday, the 17th, so please pray for me all my friends. Do NOT pray that I get the job. Pray that if this is the door that God is opening, that God's will WILL be done.

God will be with me now and forever.

Just another day

Oh my, what a day. This morning I presented my final evaluation. It's hard, but the last of the seminars in this unit is Thursday. We have nothing but clinical time after that. Then we did all the schedules for August and the first part of September.

I'm just so tired. There was another death today - a withdrawal of life support. I was there as her granddaughter was holding her hand and crying as she drew her last breath. It was a tender moment. She was a faithful Christian, so the hope for eternal life was there. The nurse was incredible. In all, I was blessed and honored to share in her journey.

One "bite" during my job search, but unless they can make it full time, I might have to pass. I just can't afford to only work part time. It's starting to get a little scary, so prayers are welcome.

More musings

OK, some of you have asked about my grandbaby. Harper Joy just flew by her 9th month and is the world's greatest blessing for her mom and dad (to say nothing of her grandma!) She is now able to stand if she's holding onto something, so I know it won't be long before she is running in a triathalon with her mom or dad. :-)


Here is a picture that was taken back at Thanksgiving. I'm not sure when I will see her again - I have to get my job situation squared away first. I hope that I can see her again soon!!! The summer is getting away from me.






This is a picture of her in her Easter dress.

And just so there is no question about who runs my house and so she won't feel slighted in any way, here is a picture of my Angel.

Hello all,

A great day!! I spent last night at the hospital on-call, so it was a 24 hour shift. Although the pager was nice to me, the bed sure wasn't and I hardly slept. I got up, responded to an emergency and then left to go to church. Normally I would have just gone home to sleep for a while in my easy chair or my own bed, there was a meeting after church that I was required to attend. It turned out to be a real blessing for me. Since this is first Sunday of the month, of course there was communion, but there was also a scripture and message that spoke to me.

After the service, the commitee that is supporting my quest for ordination met. This was the initial meeting and all of them are just great to work with and very supportive of my goals and understand my fears.

Now for the biggest challenge. Labor day is looming in the not too distant future, and I need a job. I have resumes out, and have an alternative that the committee on Church and Ministry is considering. Please, all my family and friends, pray that God opens that door, and soon!!! I know, I need to pray for patience, so please God, give me patience and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!!

God's grace and peace to all.

God helps those....

As I ponder where I am to serve in ministry, I am once again facing an end to what I am doing now and wondering where God will lead me next. At times like these, I try to "help myself," by listening to God and searching for the open door. There are times when I just wish that God would lay things out for me so that it would reduce my anxiety, but God just does not seem to want to work that way. It is my lesson in patience, and I trust that God will not let me down, just like I have not been let down by God in the past.

My options are searching for jobs with hospice in this area or taking a church as an intirim minister while they complete their search and call process. The latter is in the hands of the Church and Ministry Committee, so it might not be a viable option.

I just pray every day for God to give me the strength to carry on.

To God be the glory, great things God has done!!!